We Never Marry the Perfect Person

The person you are going to marry is a product of their influences, their background, and the decisions they have made. Every person on the planet has different ways and preferences of how to do things, how they think, and how they process information. This is natural to the person, familiar, and valid. When we get married it is easy to misunderstand our spouse’s preferences and it can be a source of frustration: “Why does he do it like that?”, “Why does he say things like that?”, “Why doesn’t he do it like me?”, “Why doesn’t she relax?” Sometimes the way they do things or their behavior is one of the reasons they fell in love: “She spoke her mind”, “She was very spontaneous”, “He had leadership skills”, “He made me smile” . But after five years these characteristics can be a source of frustration: “She has an opinion about everything”, She is always late and is a little irresponsible”, “He is bossy”, “He never takes things seriously” .

Every couple in the world has irreconcilable differences. These irreconcilable differences already existed before, during and after the wedding and trying to change your spouse will be futile. Yes, polar opposites attract. That may explain how a super-organized woman can marry a man who never makes plans. Differences initially attract us, then they irritate us, they frustrate us, and finally they can enlighten and unite us. Similarities satisfy us and the differences attract us. We must learn how to unconditionally accept differences and see our spouse as a gift from God made in his image, not ours. If you can accommodate each other’s stranger sides and handle it with love, affection and respect, your marriage can flourish.