Studies show that between 30% and 40% of Latin American women have suffered some type of interfamily violence. More than half of the men who abuse their women also abuse their children.

What are the factors that perpetuate this crime?

1. Learned behavior: If our models of family interaction are dysfunctional, sick and hurtful we tend to repeat them. 

(This logic says we are not responsible for our behavior.)

2. Cultural Pressure: Latin phrases include, “Bad with him, worse without him”, “He is my husband, though he hit me or kill me, he is my husband”, “The more he hits me, the more he loves me”, “It is my cross to carry.”

(This logic makes the women believe they can’t live without the man.)

3. Enduring it for the children: Women will tolerate abuse in order not to have a ruined home.

(This logic makes women accomplices to the violence.)

4. Shame and guilt: They are ashamed that this is happening and feel resposible for it.

(The women feel they have nowhere to go for help.)

5. Religious Beliefs: Often the church teaches them to endure it and just pray.

(The church needs a plan in how to intervene.)

What are some of the signs of abuse?

1. Abusers tend to try to humiliate you.

They try to offend and insult by making mean jokes and judging negatively. They will talk down to you and blur the line between insults and compliments.

2. Abusers try to take away your freedom.

They will shut you down but always want to keep a close check on where you are or what you are doing. They are very jealous.

3. They try to place guilt and blame on you.

Abusers feel they are never wrong and place the blame on the abused. This puts pressure and fear on the abused causing them to feel like they are always walking on eggshells. They will never apologize.

4.  Abusers behavior is incongruent.

They may have moments of expressing love which may cause an abused to forgive the abusive behavior but then resort to abuse. Abusers can be sweet and kind, especially around other people but then can quickly become hostile.

5. Abusers must always have the control.

Abusers won’t let the abused make decisions for themselves, including what to wear or friends to have.

6. An abuser can be a narcissist.

The world revolves around them. They lack empathy and don’t care what another person may be feeling. 

8. Abusers can withhold intimacy

Abusers withhold affection as a weapon.

Conclusion

An abuser will live and rule as long as the abused permits it. Abusers rarely change and it is difficult to influence them. Your priority is to take care of yourself, which means, knowing that you are a child of God, made in his image, and do not deserve this treatment. Limits must be set with consecuences that are enforced. Any changes in the abuser must be consistent and permanent. Otherwise, you must recognize the abuse, seek help, take steps to leave the situation and get your life back.