A friend of mine would often remind me, “life is hard, then you die.” It sounds a little depressing, but in a way, we really need to embrace this truth—it’s Biblical. Jesus, the husband of the church, confirms this when he says in John 16:33, “These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble.” We need to know that in our marriage and in our marriage to Christ we will have trouble. We hope to live happily ever after, but the truth is, bad things happen. There will be financial difficulties, child problems, infertility, sickness, etc. not to mention all the personality conflicts. These will definitely happen. If they haven’t, don’t lose hope, they will come.

One thing I know about suffering, especially from working in the hospital, is that you want the communication to be clear and understandable. I think Martin Luther said, “There is nothing in the world that causes more suffering than uncertainty.” Not understanding or knowing kills us. What Jesus tells the disciples after this couldn’t be clearer: “You will be scattered, each to his own home. You will leave me all alone.” In other words, things will get tough tonight and you will fail me, and that is exactly what happened. In one moment, everyone is behind him claiming he is from God, the all-powerful and omnipotent creator of the world, capable of destroying everything in the world, to running away from him, denying any relationship with him. Jesus was trying to prepare them for that. It was going to happen and it will happen to all of us. We will suffer a blow to our marriage or our faith, and we will either run from God and our marriage or draw near to God and each other.

When we suffer something major we begin to doubt that Jesus came from God, or that God even exists. We argue that if he were really good, he wouldn’t allow this to happen to us. We ask ourselves “why me?” What did I do to deserve this? How can I have a bad marriage, aren’t I a good Christian? It’s like in our own marriages, when something goes wrong and we go through problems we start to doubt if this was the right decision. When I married this man, I thought my problems would go away. Did I make a mistake?

The apostle Paul also addresses this thorn in the flesh. He says in I Corinthians 7:28, “But those who marry will have many troubles in this life.” This passage is not preached much at weddings. It’s interesting that in our vows we say that we will love each other in sickness and in health, in wealth and in want, but we never really think that it could happen to us. We have no assurance that our spouse will always have a job, or that our children will be healthy, or that our house won’t burn down. So, knowing in advance that we will all go through suffering in our marriage, as well as in our relationship with Christ, we need to know how to react and how to be prepared.

Part of overcoming suffering is realizing that it is part of life and that God allows it. One thing the Bible is clear about is that we cannot understand God. Ecclesiastes 11:5, among others, says, “Just as you do not know the way of the wind or how a body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Creator of all things.” God may allow problems to awaken us spiritually, He may do so to test our hearts, He may allow it to show His glory, or He may allow it for no reason (see the book of Job).

What we see in Jesus’ prayer for his suffering disciples or his bride is “not that (God) take them out of the world (take away their sufferings), but that God protect them from the evil one.” When we go through suffering, our prayers should be for our faith to be strengthened and not necessarily to be delivered from the problems.

When Satan wanted to wreak havoc on Peter, Jesus told him, “I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.” We cannot avoid problems, but we can lose our faith. We need to pray for our spouses, not only to deliver us from our troubles, but also to strengthen their faith and our own. In 1 Thessalonians, Paul sent Timothy “to strengthen and encourage” the Thessalonians “so that no one would be disturbed by these trials.”

We need to constantly encourage our spouses when we go through these difficult times. When we go through suffering, we often feel very alone. We may be married and have many children and a large church, but we can still feel lonely. Even Jesus in his most painful moment of suffering cried out to God, “Why have you forsaken me?” If Jesus cried out this, surely, we have a right to too. Often during a major crisis, it is too much for a couple and they divorce. At least one cannot handle it and does not know what to do. The best thing you can give to people who are going through suffering is your presence. When Jesus was in a crisis, he cried out: “Why have you forsaken me?”

In the Garden of Gethsemane, he said to his three best friends, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death; stay here and watch with me.” Matthew 26:38. I love seeing spouses in the hospital room with their spouse. I knew they were supported and would get through it. I felt bad for those who sat alone in silence without a spouse.

The apostle Paul had a dramatic conversion and saw great miracles, but he also suffered greatly. In Acts 16:23-25 ​​it says, “After they had been severely beaten, they were thrown into prison . . . About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them.” Now, Paul had a lot to complain about, but he chose to worship God in his sufferings. Job 1:21 says, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; let the name of the Lord be praised.” Job continued to praise God despite more suffering than we will ever experience in one fell swoop. I also believe that the examples of Job and Paul are to not hold on to anything too tightly, including our spouses. Everything belongs to God anyway. We get so caught up in what the world says that we have to have it all, go for it all. Get it all while you can. We need to learn to live more simply, like the lilies and the birds do.

Jesus warns us of coming sufferings “so that in Him we may have peace.” We have a Savior and a husband that despite all the suffering and trials around us, in Him we have peace. Now, when I face trials and suffering, I am not the picture of peace. For me a crisis is not finding a dessert at home for a snack. But in Jesus we have a model of a husband who is at peace, even during his last meal with his friends.

Jesus says He has overcome this world. I think Jesus was saying in some way, no matter how bad the world may get, and it will get worse, I will still be there. I will stand. I won. I am victorious and because God is your father, you will be victorious in the end too. You can rest easy, because I know there is more than this hospital room, this is nothing to me. I sit on the throne of heaven and I am preparing a place for you. The here and now is not all there is. There is so much more to this existence than your little mind can handle or imagine. Trust me. You will see greater things than this. Despite all the waves and torment on the surface of the waters, in the depths there is calm. Go into the depths.

Our spouses do not come from the spiritual realms or sit at the right hand of God, but they can sit at our right hand. God said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you, I am with you to the end of the age” (Hebrews 13:5). Our spouses need to be reassured in this truth, that we will never leave them or forsake them. Even if we suffer from some debilitating illness or lose everything. That is what gives us peace.